Clinton (Hooligan) Facts

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by TurdFX4, Feb 17, 2011.

  1. TurdFX4

    TurdFX4 Schuylkill Countys Finest

    Rather than take showers, Clinton rides a 9 Foot grizzly bear though a car wash

    Statistically speaking, you are more likely to have Clinton reply to one of your posts than you are to have feet.

    Clinton was the inspiration for Donkey Kong, HD-TV and waterslides.

    The famous video footage of sasquatch is actually Clinton returning to his woodland home.

    Helen Keller's favorite color is Clinton.

    After an epic night of drinking, Clinton took the largest dump ever recorded. What he crapped out ended up being the 1979 10th Anniversary Pontiac Trans Am, in which he occasionally still drives.

    Clinton accidentally created Optimus Prime while trying to install a 3" body lift on his ranger.

    In 1979, Clinton became the first black man to win the New York City Marathon.

    If you put a picture of Clinton's Ranger on a record and play it backwards, you'll hear "Ninja Rap" by Vanilla Ice, followed by a raspy voice that says "Seven days" in which 7 days later, Clinton will explode into your house and raid your refrigerator.

    Clinton was the original host of "Pimp My Ride." He was fired 1/2 way through the first season for installing Auto-Dim mirrors and Explorer OHC's on every single vehicle.

    At Wrestlemania 2, Clinton sneezed backstage... Hulk Hogan has been bald ever since.

    At this very moment, there is a 50/50 chance that Clinton is banging your sister.

    In response to his challenge, Clinton punched MC Hammer so hard that he went bankrupt. Clinton then bellowed " I can touch this." While thrusting his pelvis in Hammer's direction.

    There are only 4 horsemen on the Apocalypse because Clinton would rather walk.

    Debbie Did Dallas because she couldn't handle Clinton.

    Clinton knows the excact location of Carmen San Diego.

    Clinton has 189 STD's... including 6 only found in sharks.

    Clinton is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
    If Clinton and the Fonz were ever to High-Five... it would bring about another ice age.

    On the series finale of Fear Factor, Clinton ate Joe Rogan.

    Clinton once spent a night in West Virginia. The next day, the state promptly changed its name to West Ia.

    Clinton won a car on "The Price is Right" by guessing that a can of tuna was worth $9,683.

    Clinton's weakness is that he cannot kick ass without eating breakfast. Ironically, he eats ass for breakfast.

    Jesus can walk on water.... but clinton can swim through land.

    Clinton killed 2 stones with 1 bird.

    Clinton can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    If you play Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven backwards, you will hear Clinton banging your sister.

    Late one night while working on installing an explorer full length console in his ranger, Clinton inadvertantly created the Manwich.

    Clinton sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

    Clinton can mix rum and coke so strong, it allows you to see through time.

    Clinton will eat your soul for a Klondike Bar.

    Clinton was the original Black Power Ranger

    Clinton masterbates to pictures of himself masturbating.

    Clinton invented Thomas Edison

    To Clinton, doorknobs and toilets are seen as merely suggestions.

    Clinton once went into a kindergarten to talk about fire safety. After 4 minutes, 3 children were on fire and Clinton had shot a bottle rocket out of his urethra.

    Clinton is the only thing keeping rainforests from destroying us.

    Clinton can deep throat a wiffle ball bat.
    Behind every great man, there is a great woman... and plowing that woman is Clinton.

    If you want to wear the same cologne as Clinton, you'll be disappointed to find that clinton doesn't wear cologne. However, for $200, Clinton will fart on your chest before you go on a date.

    Two and a Half Men was originally a show just about Clinton.

    If MacGuyver and Clinton were locked in a room together, Clinton would make a bomb out of MacGuyver to get out

    Little Known Fact: Clinton's Ranger and The Loch Ness Monster are actually second cousins.

    Clinton owns a magical mirror that allows him to peer out of any mirror in the world. Anytime you undress in front of the mirror in your bedroom. Clinton could be watching, but he never is... because your flabby body disgusts him.

    There is no "Control" key on Clinton's keyboard... because Clinton is always in control.

    Clinton sleeps once every 2 weeks for 1/2 an hour.... standing up... with his eyes open... and he looks pissed off the whole time.

    Clinton can play the violin... with a piano.

    Clinton once made a paraplegic run for his life.

    The last man to make eye contact with Clinton was Stevie Wonder.

    If you work in an office with Clinton, under any circumstances, don't ask Clinton for his 3-Hole Punch

    Clinton was present at the wedding in Cana when Jesus turned water into wine. Not to be outdone, Clinton took Jesus's wine and turned it into funk.

    Clinton was the original model for Brawny paper towels. He gained his position by winning a competition to see who could best intimidate a woman into a life of cleaning and servitude.

    Clinton can count to 10 left handed.

    Clinton has no pancreas. He instead has a retro-peritoneal waffle iron that excretes a pancreatic juice made of liquid vengeance.

    Clinton once gave the Smurfs a beatdown so bad they were forced to relocate underwater and become the Snorks.
    Clinton saved President Bush from choking on a pretzel by punching him in the throat... Clinton had no idea he was choking.

    If at the exact same moment, the same person was "Mooseknuckled" by Clinton and Roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.

    Clinton's edition of the VH1 Show "Where Are They Now?" was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long and consisted of a black screen with the words: "Right behind you" written on it.

    Clinton has won every contest that he's entered... even Miss Nude Pennsylvania.

    Clinton eats 3 square meals a day... his Ranger eats 7.

    Whenever Clinton sees a Best Buy, he burns it to the ground, because he believes that a Explorer OHC for $30 is the best buy you'll ever find.

    Clinton can mathematically make 2 wrongs equal a right.

    Whenever Clinton successfully installs a Auto-Dim Mirror in any Ranger, he mentally sings "This Is How We Do It" by Montel Jordan.

    The theme song for "Law and Order" is the exact sound of Clinton's heartbeat.

    Clinton was so annoyed with the Sylvester Stallone movie "Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot" he punched him so hard that Sly spoke clearly for a week.

    Clinton is an *******! By saying that my life expectancy is now 3 sec...

    Clinton is so cool, that the Pope has a fish decal on his car with the word "Clinton" inside.

    Every 4 years, Clinton beats another 24 hours into February.

    The television show "Lost" is loosely based on an inner-ear infection Clinton had as a child.

    Tupac wouldn't be dead if he hadn't eaten Clinton's cheetos.

    Clinton and Craig (azgilamonster) teamed up in 1989 to bring down the Soviet Union. Their amazing story of struggle, hope, and redemption was adapted for the silver screen as "White Men Can't Jump"

    Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know when Clinton is going to mooseknuckle you.
    Clinton successfully mated a graham cracker with a mustang dome light.

    The phrase "Made by Clinton" is printed beneath China.

    Clinton coined the phrase " I see dead people " after the waitstaff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

    Clinton once beat Usain Bolt in the 100-Meter Dash. Clinton didn't even know he was racing, someone near the finish line had just leaned against Clinton's Ranger.

    If you spell Clinton wrong on Google, it doesn't say "Did you mean: Clinton?" It simply replies "Run while you still have the chance!"

    Vanessa Carlton's hit song " A Thousand Miles " was inspired by the distance Clinton kicked her boyfriend after he stepped on Clinton's snakeskin boots.

    Clinton never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

    Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's": Already Been Clintoned.

    Clinton doesn't actually own a computer, he just has a basement full of Asian kids who memorize numbers.

    Clinton invented the Spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" so much, he needed a language to use it in context.

    The French did not send the Statue of Liberty to the U.S. as a sign of peace. They were trying to win a bet that Clinton couldn't **** a 150 foot tall copper woman... boy, were they wrong.

    When an airport employee told Clinton that his flight was delayed, he told her that her pregnancy was delayed and promptly did jumping jacks on her uterus.

    There used to be a street named after Clinton, but it was changed because nobody crosses Clinton and lives.

    If Clinton ever gets caught speeding, He'd let the cops off with a warning.

    Clinton has been to Mars... that's why there's no life found.

    Clinton doesn't need Twitter... he's already following you.

    The movie Aliens Vs. Predators was originally titled Aliens Vs. Predators Vs. Clinton... but that movie only lasted 11 seconds... 5 of those seconds were the credits.

    Clinton was once asked if he believes the world is going to end on December 21st 2012, to which he replied: "Depends on how I'm feeling that day."
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  3. OP

    TurdFX4 Schuylkill Countys Finest

    Clinton doesn't flush toilets... he scares the **** out of them.

    Death once had a near Clinton experience.

    Clinton is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    (For some reason, this one made me laugh out loud.) Clinton can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.

    Clinton was once stranded on the North Pole, he started a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.

    Obama voted for Clinton.

    Clinton made a Happy meal cry.

    Clinton can stab a knife with a man.

    Clinton was once bitten by a rattle snake... after 3 days of pain and agony, the rattle snake finally died.

    UFC actually stands for: Unwilling to Fight Clinton

    Clinton knows the muffin man.

    Clinton cuts scissors with paper.

    Clinton can find hay in a stack of needles.

    Clinton plays the guitar while wearing mittens.

    Clinton can play the bongo drums with his hands behind his back. He accomplishes this by leaning over them really close and flexing his pecs. The sweet rhythms he produces are the most potent form of aphrodisiac known to man.

    The first alphabet consisted of only the letters; C-L-I-N-T-O. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe the things that were not in fact, awesome.

    Clinton's autobiography, " Don't Make Me Hate You " was awarded The Pulitzer Prize for it's heart warming and inspiring tales of Clinton overcoming his fear of flying and his battle with meth addiction, as well as the sweet tutorial on how to install a supercharger on a ford ranger using a welding torch, a 55 gallon drum, chicken wire and skim milk.
    Many people say that Clinton eats babies. This is not true. Babies just want to be in Clinton's stomach.

    Clinton has secretly kept a speech for an Oscar win for the last 25 years. It starts: " I can't ****ing believe this either, but... "

    Clinton was supposed to be on the american $1 bill but the bill would become so valuable that no one could afford it.

    Clinton once punched a waitress because his steak didn't have an Over Head Console.

    Clinton doesn't have aids... but he gives it to people anyways.

    Sometimes it is said when you hold a auto-dim mirror to your ear, you can hear the screams of all the fools Clinton has beaten to death.

    In the 2008 Summer Olympics, Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals. Shortly thereafter, Clinton won 8 gold medals in the parking lot of the Beijing National Aquatics Center. Clinton is still trying to get Scaring the **** Out of Michael Phelps recognized as an official Olympic event.

    Clinton used the majority of the money he made from selling ranger parts to have the inside of his wife's vagina herculined.

    Clinton's interior is maintained by a community of Buddhist monks living inside his center console.

    Clinton is no longer a noun, it is a verb.

  4. Brinker88

    Brinker88 Black sheep o' the family

    Let's go Clinton someone! And Clinton(buy) one of my stickers please!
  5. DiabloBlanco

    DiabloBlanco Those Damn Kids

    lol oh no not this thread. hahahaha!
  6. Hooligan

    Hooligan Rangerholic!!

    Hell yeah!!
  7. Hooligan

    Hooligan Rangerholic!!

    Turd has hair like Magnum
  8. wyman00

    wyman00 5.0 Ranger driver

    Yes!!! It's back!
  9. Hooligan

    Hooligan Rangerholic!!

    funny stuff!!
  10. jacobxstanley

    jacobxstanley Michigan Ranger Driver

    Ohhhh man here too? Hahaha
  11. blkranger231

    blkranger231 Foxtrot Mike Lima

    hahaha it just doesnt get old I love it
  12. Hooligan

    Hooligan Rangerholic!!

    Yeah its funny man, I may get a big ego from it and start believeing it lol
  13. machine

    machine Banned

    Clinton is all three of the wise men
  14. wyman00

    wyman00 5.0 Ranger driver

    Instant death comes to anyone who misspells Cle
  15. Black mamba

    Black mamba The mannnn

    Hajahhahahahahaha I love these threads
  16. Black mamba

    Black mamba The mannnn

    Clinton once had a giant erection..... There were no survivors..
  17. Brinker88

    Brinker88 Black sheep o' the family

    :eek: That means you were staring at it!!
  18. DiabloBlanco

    DiabloBlanco Those Damn Kids

    Clinton Can beleive its not butter.
  19. 08 Ranger Sport 4X4

    08 Ranger Sport 4X4 New Member

    HAHAHA ^^^^ Diablo, that's a good one.
  20. DiabloBlanco

    DiabloBlanco Those Damn Kids

    yeah haha I just thought of that one while driving to get a window fixed in the jetta. hahaha

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